A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.

He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?".

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road!", replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck".

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD".Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said,

"I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer".

"That's okay", replied the priest.

"I got him with the door!"

A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the pope was on the same flight.

"This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person."

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle."This is fantastic," thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."

"Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'?"

Only one word leapt to mind ..."My goodness," thought the gentleman, "I can't tell the Pope that.There must be another word."

The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman said,

"I think the word you're looking for is 'aunt'."

"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"

One evening, Ah Beng and Ah Seng stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien meaning Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song. They were indignant and kicked up a big fuss, claiming that the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after many hours of talking, the manager managed to find out that they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.

It's about the American tourist and Thai guide in Thailand.

American: "What do you do with the seafood garbage?"

Thai: "Throw away."

American: "In my country, we will make the snack and sell them in Thailand."

Thai: "...."

American: "What do you do with the used tires?"

Thai: "Throw away also."

American: "In my country, we will make the condoms and sell in Thailand. Hahaha..."

Thai: "...Let me ask you a question, what do you do with the used condoms?"

American: "Surely, we throw them away."

Thai: "In my country, we use them to make chewing gum and sell in America."

Two Minnesotans were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tear were pouring down his face. The other Minnesotan asked,

" Why are you crying?"

The first one replied, " I came here for blood test."

The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?"

The first guy replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger."

Hearing this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?"

Then the second guy replied, "I have come for my urine test."